on my way to somewhere...

What I've been thinking about this week...

2007-08-04T23:01:00.000-07:00

"The authentic self is the you that can be found at your absolute core.

It is the part of you that is not defined by your job, or your function, or your role.

It is the composite of all your unique gifts, skills, abilities, interests, talents, insights, and wisdom.

It is all of your strengths and values that are uniquely yours and need expression, versus what you have been programmed to believe that you are ‘supposed’ to be and do.

It is the you that flourished, unselfconsciously, in those times in your life when you felt happiest and most fulfilled.

It is the you that existed before and remains when life’s pain, experiences, and expectancies are stripped away.”

- P.C. McGraw from Self Matters: Creating your Life From The Inside Out.

2007 Mondo Beyondo

2007-01-01T02:37:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been a long time since I added to my blog, but here is the 2007 Mondo Beyondo list of stuff that I hope for in the next 12 months and beyond:

- Become a Canadian citizen/Have my visa approved.
- Find a great space in which to live, interact and create.
- Take a photography course and learn to use my camera more creatively.
- Watch plenty of films and documentaries, but less TV.
- Find a new career direction and a path away from the one my career is currently on.
- Re-evaluate my circle of friends - expanding my social circle.
- Visit Japan.
- Listen to 3RRR more than just breakfast time.
- Find that elusive volunteer opportunity for a Social Justice Organization.
- Learn some basic yoga.
- Learn reflexology.
- More time with my sister and brother.
- Touch Uluru with an open hand.
- Sleep under the stars in the desert.
- Work close to where I live.
- Pay more attention to the needs of my mind, body and spirit and do things to nurture them.
- Eat more organic food.
- Spend 1 weekend each month outside of Melbourne.
- Know more about where the food that I eat comes from.
- Help someone make a film.
- Make a fancy dress costume.
- Do 30 special things in October as part of a personal birthday celebration.
- Read 12 interesting books.

Wishes

2006-08-15T04:25:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wish?
Not wishes that spell out our personal disatifaction with life, such as, "I wish I had more money." or "I wish I had a better job", but the kind of wishes that could only come from a shooting star or a magic genie lamp.

I was polishing my tea pot (following a particularly delightful chai) at the grimy work coffee station today. As I restored the shine to the pot, I imagined how it would be if a genie just popped on out of the teapot to grant me wishes three. What would I wish for?

When I was a kid, I wished for a computer game system. It started out as a wish for a Commodore 64, which morphed into Atari, then Amiga, then Sega, until my wish was finally granted (by my own saving of money) and I got myself a brand new Nintendo. I played it non-stop for about two weeks (much to my mother's lament), but after that time, I was over it. Perhaps 6 to 8 years of wishing went into that, and once I had it, I realised it wasn't that great.

My equivalent now, would probably be either a super-fancy Canon Digital Camera, or a piano. The earlier of which, I can see myself tiring of, but the latter, I can see myself becoming completely lost in.

When I was a kid, I sometimes wished for a brother or sister close to my age (I have 3 brothers and a sister, but all are 9 years or more older than me). I never got that wish, but now I see that it wasn't something I truly needed.

I think now, I tend to wish, dream and do. I'm not always sure of what I am wishing for, but I feel drawn to some things, people & places and away from others. I have a strong sense of these things and I follow my instincts more than ever. I know that I need to be more conscious of these subtle guiding forces.

I wish for lasting life energy.
I wish for protection.
I wish for experience.

(oh, and is it too late to wish for World Peace?...damn, already used up my three wishes!)

harlequin dreams

2006-05-27T01:05:00.000-07:00

I dream of surprise lily bouquets and spontaneous weekends away. I dream of drives to country markets, of local produce and fresh air. I dream of nights at the opera and obscure amateur plays. I dream of lingering couch foot-rubs and trashy TV.

I dream of dips in steaming hot springs and walks in the snow. I dream of swims in cold mountain lakes and warm oceans blue. I dream of late night noodle soups and evening wanders on the promenade under azure skies.

I dream of holding your smooth hand, watching fireworks light up the bay. I dream of candlelight singing and tree decorations. I dream of church time together and of tying Omikuji to shrine trees.

I dream of waking next to you, rays of sun light warming our bed. I dream of you placing an arm around me to draw me closer to you as we sleep. I dream of sleepy smiles, gentle kisses and wandering hands.

I dream of weekend mornings with quiet music, fresh coffee and homemade breakfasts eaten on a balcony table for two. I dream of Sunday afternoon glasses of wine and evening martinis. I dream of summer picnics and winter food-fests at home with friends.

I dream of shared works of art and purple feature walls painted by our own hands. I dream of searching stores for furnishings, of choosing things together that will make a house, our home. I dream of a clumsy puppy dog and a lazy cat.

I dream of you and I yearn.

In the Sanctum Beyond My Bedroom Door...

2006-05-20T21:49:00.000-07:00

alive

2006-03-12T18:24:00.000-08:00

I admired this stranger who was feeding sea birds. I could see in her face, a look of absolute child-like delight as the birds rose up to grab a soggy chip in mid-air.

How rare and precious to come across people who are practicing wonder and delight in the everyday? How wonderful it is to find joy in the very simple without any conscious effort?

This moment will never come again. Take joy in moments. Savour each moment like vintage wine on your tongue.

The time I have lived is far less than the number of years that my heart has been beating. The time I have truly been alive probably counts less than a year.

Stop. Observe. Change. Live.

2006-03-11T17:30:00.000-08:00

Who are the people in your neighbourhood?

2006-02-04T17:56:00.000-08:00

They're the people that you meet, as you're walking down the street.
They're the people that you meet each day.

Teetering on the edge...

2006-02-03T14:09:00.000-08:00

He is a wonder.
He makes me smile.
He makes me laugh incredibly hard.
He makes me think outside the confines of my mind.

He makes me cry.
He has a superiority complex.
He thinks he is chocolate, but he's acting like chewing gum.
He makes me question whether he's hanging out with me for me, or to stave off his own feelings of loneliness.

He is spontaneous.
He is mischievous.
He has taste and style.
He is beautiful.

He doesn't respect my opinion.
He questions my intelligence.
He tells me how I need to do things.
He is chasing a dream of how he feels his life should be.
He is searching for something more.

He balances on the line, and I can't bare to think of life without him, nor life with him. Confrontation is imminent.

Wanna know a secret...

2006-01-29T23:24:00.000-08:00

I'm sometimes quite a strange person. That's probably not a shock to people who know me, but it's true.

Sometimes obscure and insignificant things bother me.

For instance, on at least ten occasions in the past two weeks, I have heard different people refer to a common pasta dish as...ahem..."Spag Bog".

For some unknown reason, this term irks me like somebody scraping fingernails down a blackboard.

I cringe. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

I shudder and inside I scream, "IT'S SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE, NOT FUCKING SPAG BOG".

I don't outwardly protest, but I live in fear that they will repeat those words again.

I love Spaghetti Bolognese, but I'm not partial to nicknames that make perfectly good comfort food sound like some kind of cockney pub toilet, that hasn't been cleaned in a month!

And while we're on the topic of nicknames. I also am irked by two monikers that I've been hearing bandied about lately, namely:

Bug-a-Lugs - "Where's Bug-a-Lugs?" I don't know, out lugging bugs? What's that all about?

Losers - There is one guy at my work who makes a point of saying, "Morning Losers" to our team every time he walks by. And every time I hear him, well...if looks could kill...

Today's message from the word of G2C...

STAND UP PEOPLE! SAY NO TO SPAG BOG (AND YES TO PASTA!) AND NO MORE REFERRING TO PEOPLE AS BUG-A-LUGS or LOSERS! Thank you! My rant is complete.

mondo beyondo 2006

2006-01-29T01:18:00.000-08:00

It has taken sometime for me to blog this list of dreams and pseudo-resolutions that I have. I lost the list, so it's only in my head, but here goes:

- To become a Canadian citizen.
- To have a settled space, and buy a piano and immerse myself in music again.
- Make time to be creative for the sake of creativity.
- Upgrade my digital camera, and take a photography course.
- Find multiple creative mentors.
- Let some new people into the middle onion.
- Become friends with an older person, for no other reason than to gain insight into the wisdom of their life lessons and unique perspective of the world.
- To adore my friends in a more tangible way.
- Halve my possessions again.
- Take extended holidays in Japan and Sweden.
- Make more time to be near the sea.
- Resolve the unresolved relationships.
- Listen to Triple J regularly and find a Canadian equivalent.
- Swim in winter.
- Volunteer for a Social Justice Organization.
- Develop an informed opinion on major issues as opposed to one based on snippets from the media by seeking truth.
- Watch less than an hour of Television a week.

family portraits...

2006-01-15T01:56:00.000-08:00

My nephew drew a portrait of me. He entitled the work, "Uncle Tim (with Mutton Chops) in a Thoughtful Mood". I just love it.

My niece proclaimed to me that she wants to be a photographer when she grows up. I told her that perhaps she already is a photographer, handed her my digital camera and told her to take some pictures. We played a game where I gave her a word and told her to go photgraph it. Here is a candid shot that she took of me as part of the game for the word, Beyond.

new year, new blog

2006-01-07T04:18:00.000-08:00

I've decided to change the look of my blog and try my hand at personalising my template. Clearly there are a few teething problems, but it will come together very soon... :)

time and tide

2005-12-18T03:11:00.002-08:00

There was a time when the ebb and flow of tide would never touch you.

Now, it seems that all too often the tide falls suddenly, leaving you feeling vulnerable and exposed. It would seem that you are more comfortable when surrounded by the challenges of mere survival in the tumult of the ocean, because it is then that you seem invincible. Steadfast. Determined.

Hold fast, dear one. Be confident that the tide will return once more to wash around you. Now is the opportunity to find your footing and cast off the salt in your wounds. Know that when the tide is out, it is not the weakness and vulnerability that is revealed, but rather the completeness of your strength.

Who can tell any more?

2005-12-15T03:28:00.000-08:00

Australian?

UnAustralian?

Australian?

UnAustralian?

Australian?

UnAustralian?

Australian?

UnAustralian?

Australian?

UnAustralian?

Australian?

UnAustralian?

Australian?

UnAustralian?

A Small Collection of Melbourne Street Art

2005-12-11T00:39:00.000-08:00

"It appears that we are failing in our battle against vandalism, particularly graffiti." Mayor of the City of Yarra in The Melbourne Times

I've never scrawled on a wall. Never tagged a train. Never carved my initials into a tree trunk. Never stencilled the sidewalk and I don't think I will ever do so.

But there is an abundance of art appearing in our streets that shows real creativity.

Like a clever t-shirt slogan, I think a stencil that might make some people think about something greater or a point of view that differs from their own is hardly wrong.

I love Melbourne culture. The beautiful people vs the bohemians.

Ms Mayor, our city's street art is far more interesting than a blank grey wall. Tackle tagging if you wish, but leave the true artwork alone.

You know it's almost summer...

2005-10-28T23:18:00.000-07:00

Judgement #4758

2005-10-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

ALPHA MALE IN PINK POLO SHIRT = WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING

Don't be fooled.

The time has come to make a difference...

2005-09-13T05:20:00.000-07:00

No work, no welfare, no Medicare ... community-based asylum seekers can't live on oxygen alone.

It's time for the Howard Government to give all community-based asylum seekers work rights and health benefits.

There are people who live within a few blocks of my house who are here in Australia as refugees, whose lives have been so awful that the better option is to live here without any welfare support, medicare access or even the right to work.

Our government provides them with a weekly allowance of $25 which has to cover all their needs. They have to rely on handouts from charity organizations to meet the rest of their needs, or alternatively work illegally with the risk of being deported if caught.

The time has come for me to stop simply talking about the injustice that I am ashamed to see my country openly perpetrating, but it's time to get involved and help make a difference in these people's lives.

Here's somewhere that we can all start...

Click to sign this petition sponsored by Anna Burke MP for the Chisholm Electorate here in Melbourne.

Every cloud...

2005-07-25T03:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes all you need is a short walk on a windswept beach, pick up a perfectly white stone in your hand, reconnect and leave your troubles behind.

Irresistible

2005-07-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

I cannot pretend to be everything you want
But I can teach you that I am what you need

Go on, give me a chance
I will give you so much of me in return
I will be your slave

Why don’t you want me?
Is it the way I’ve offered or will you never want me?

For you, I remain, totally 100% resistible

the urge

2005-06-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

In my thoughts, my hands are big enough to go around you. One single hand can reach around your entire body.

In my dark thoughts, I reach my giant hand around you, holding you tight enough to feel you filling with air and exhaling again. Tight enough to feel your pulse. Tight enough to let you know that I am there, and that I am stronger.

In my deep dark thoughts, my giant hand goes around you, holds you tight and stays there. I hold you tight for so long that your impatience to have me gone turns to fidgeting, then frantic twists and turns, but I am stronger. I hold you tight for so long that you once again become calm. Lulled into thinking that I am a Big Friendly Giant. When you acquiesce to my tight grip, I begin to despise you for giving up so easily.

In my deep dark bloody thoughts, my giant hand holds you until I can no longer feel your breathing, until there is no more pulse. Until your skin starts to burst with the pressure I am exerting. I open my giant hand and there you are, limp and broken.

I am She

2005-05-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

Last week, a client delivered to my office a huge box which contained hand made chocolates inside a solid chocolate box. The thank you card which accompanied it had his personal contact details inside....
I was so embarrassed. The whole department ribbed me for the rest of the afternoon.

This morning my sister called to tell me that she was on the train, on her way to my house. The only problem is, I'd left my batter operated man replacement on the bathroom basin. Before I could think clearly I'd blurted out "nooo, you can't. Don't go in the bathroom!" After hanging up the phoned I realised, oh yeah, just go home at lunch time and resolve the situation. So I did.

Bridget Jones, I am She.

Further Reflections

2005-05-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of mirrors hung on the various passages of my life.
I wonder then, how many walls I am hanging on?
I know that it goes both ways. Some people play a part in our lives that we may not like, but when we think about it, we ourselves play that same part in someone else's life.
How often am I this mirror? To whom do I merely reflect enthusiasm, but actually feel none? To cut it short, to bring it down to basics, who am I faking for?

Reflection of Me

2005-05-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

You smile back at me in a way that is familiar
I beam and you beam back
Happiness at my joy
Sorrow at my loss
Such a comfort
Like looking at my reflection

I saw warmth in our relationship
Generosity, kindness
Thoughtfulness, Attention
Beautiful… Beauty

It took me a long time to figure it out
I was so foolish
What I mistook for you reading me so well
Was my own reflection

You are merely a mirror
A two dimensional image
Incapable of contributing independent feelings
Nothing that is not a reflection of my own
Incapable of giving me what I need

Do I need to keep you around?
Cute bevelled edge
Hanging from a decorative chain

What not?
Why not keep you up on the lounge room wall
People do so admire mirrors